Breastfeeding: It's ups and downs.... part 1

okay....so i'm not gonna talk about the benefits of breastfeeding here...you can look that up yourselves.... tapi yang penting...'susu ibu adalah sumber makanan terbaik buat bayi anda'...hehe tiru ayat kat kotak susu formula....

well anyways...i'm writting this entree as a reminder to myself kalau ada rezeki dpt adik for Harith...che wah Harith baru umur 26 hari dah berangan nak timang baby number 2...haha...anyway along with everything to do with pregnancy, giving birth and so on... you have to prepare for breastfeeding as well... kali ni boleh dikatakan preparation tak cukup or tak menyeluruh...but that's what i think...

kenapa tak menyeluruh? after 26 days i have summed up that i spent too much preparing for breastfeeding for after i start working.... so i was more concerned on researching breastpumps and info on how to store and handle breastmilk..which in a way i have experience with masa jaga Alauddin dulu... haaa...sekarang barulah pening...

you see...you also need to prepare yourself mentally and physically... even Mak Ton my tukang urut pun cakap...yang penting pasang niat...itu nombor satu...kalau kita putus asa ke negatif ke ....nanti effect kat bekalan susu...that's what she said.... another tip I got was from reading Dart's Blog in the entree amalan-semasa-hamil-part-1 which is reading surah Al-Hujurat untuk bnykkan  susu.

dari segi fizikal plak... kalau join mommy class mcm kay jepun diorg ada ajar pasal breastcare during pregnancy... like how to massage your breast when you take a shower and how to massage your nipples if you have inverted or flat nipples. which i ignored and sekarang menyesal gile... the only thing i did physically to prepare myself was what Mai Sensei (Senior University of Fukui yang skang jadi sensei nihonggo kat UM...so i call her Mai Sensei) recommended preggy people do...which is wash ur nipples masa dlm shower to  unclog them so the milk can come out smoothly....

My big problem...i didn't know i was anatomically challenged in the nipple area... so Harith susah nak latch on... it turns out my mom had the same problem with all of us...her answer was using a nipple shield...

i went through 3 brands... pureen, anakku and pigeon... but pigeon was the one that suited me the most..but the most pricey lah... tp benda ni skrg dah tak bekesan sgt dah...why? because baby Harith dah kuat minum skrg and sucking through this thing...well let's just say the amount of milk that comes out is little with every suck compared to when he sucks his bottle so mengamuk lah budak kecik itu kan....

yang kelakar nya ...i thought people in the medical sector would be aware of this little invention...well masa duduk dkt hosp serdang tu...one of thr nurses actually asked me ape benda yang kilat2 tu...they've never seen the thing before...and proceded to ask me if the thing has holes at the nipple are...so to answer them ... yes people it has holes for the milk to pass through...

back to the story.sebab Harith couldn't latch on...mulalah mcm2 masalah which effeted me both mentally and emotionally.... mmg then first day it is considered normal to have no milk yet..in my case dh keluar colustrum tp sikit sgt ...setitik setitik tu je..... nurse dr pagi ke petang...ntah brapa org ntah cuba ajar mcm mana nak suruh dia latch on ( hilang dh rasa malu kat strangers ni)... kdg2 dia latch on...isap dua kali pastu lepas...kdg2 tak latch on langsung...itu ok lagi..i kept telling myself that we'll learn...yang penting practice...

that night when it was just the 2 of us was when the nightmare came... he was hungry...and i didn't have anything..no milk..and dia tak nak latch on..so kerja dia meraung je...sampai dia penat...n then he would wake up and meraung algi...seriously tiap kali dia meraung tu mcm nak berperang nak suruh dia latch on..tp apakan daya....kesian baby Harith...bibr dah kering and i couldn't do anything... masa tu baru 10pm...i started counting the hours until morning...pukul 4 dah genkai...i called my mom...i could hear his perut berbunyi...i'm not kidding ok...mana tak kesian... my mom asked me to call teh nurse so i did... i told her the situation tp dia ckp polisi hosp tak leh bagi anything to the baby..so she voluntered to do a glucose test on the baby...kalau rendah we'll figure it out...katanya...baby's results? 2.9...borderline...then my mum arrived..dia seludup masuk formula milk (FM)...i know i know....breastmilk (BM) is the best for baby...tp sanggupkah anda tgk ur baby mcm tu... so Harith got his 2nd taste of FM..the first was when they took him away after i gave birth to him...

i'm not proud of the fact that baby Harith isn't breastfed exclusively..but you do what you have to...another reason i'm writting this entree...so that other people whou are reading this blog might better prepare themselves so as not to find themselves in my shoes...

- prepare yourselves mentally and physically...
- my cousin said she went through the first 24 hours with her baby before her milk come in by giving him air
zamzam
- research research research...there's nothing wrong with getting a little more knowledge on these things,  you know....

i leave you with this video on 10 tips for breastfeeding success..from babycenter.com...

The day our little prince decided to grace us with his presence....

People who really know me know I am a freak when it comes to doing things in order...so I'm kinda feeling tak best right now...coz I had all these entrees lined up...but I haven't gotten around to writting them so now i have to skip them...anyway since I have 10 minutes until the spin cycle on the washinng machine ends I thought I'd write about Harith's birth before I forget it....

Well it started on the 31st of January...it was just another ordinary day.. I remember Mami made laksa terengganu for lunch... we were watching tv..Babah was upstairs packing for his trip to Thailand..suddenly I had the urge to go to the toilet... so I went...and at the end there was a 'plop' and I started getting agitated..so i told myself it was just my imagiation cause I couldn't see anything kan....After that I went back to the living room and just as i was sitting down I felt a little trickle coming out and i immediately jumped up and ran to the toilet...It was 10.30pm... I was asking myself...is this incontinence?..I had heard stories where it was common to pee on urself during the last few weeks of pregnancy...so that's what I thought it was..skali pegi toilet..I looked and there was mucus on my undies...I freaked and called Mami...she said there was no blood and it was clear and odorless...and she concluded that it was nothing... she said awal lg ada sebln lg kan...i suspected it was my mucus plug....

So I started getting ready to go upstairs to my room..and when I was in the kitchen...again another trickle of water...u know they say if it was ur air ketuban you wouldn't be able to stop the flow...i guess i was in denial...i kept telling myself i urinated on myself again...and so I cleaned it up...and hurried upstairs...

Went i got to my room I went online and went to babycenter.com...my go to website for pregnancy related issues....to look up on the mucus plug....it turned out that not everyone notices the mucus plug being discharged...and if it is...it is not considered a labor sign...because some women go into labor a week after discharging their mucus plug....but i was still agitated..but a bit calmer....i was telling myself it was false labor...

at 11 pm I called my hubby... and as he is in his final stages of completing his masters degree he was as usual at the lab.... i told him everything...by this time i had gone through 3 full overnight pads full of odorless liquid...when i think back i should have recognized it as my air ketuban right...there's no way that could have been urine..... by this time i had started feeling cramps...mcm stomach cramp senggugut tu...but i had been feeling those for a while now..for the last few weeks to be exact...igtkan it was just another braxton hicks contraction...i remembered reading at a blog of my friends about the 3 stages of labor and how the first stage the contractions would be around 20 minutes apart..and it was considered false labor if the contratcion don't come closer together or the pain doesn't become more intense..so i told hubby he needed to help me time it...coz i tried and it's impossible to do it alone...and when we did ...it was 5 minutes apart and lasted about a minute or so..but they were mild and i could still take it...and then hubby said he needed to get back to his work and would call me back at 2 am.... see... everyone wasn't taking it seriously..so i kept telling myself it was false too...

by 1 am the pain had changed from stomach cramps to a combination off that and the feeling when you get when you have really horrible diarrhea... i spent most of my time walking in and out of the toilet (which i think shortened my labor) and i tahan my pain mostly in the standing position while i supported my self on the edge of the bed's headboard or the toilet sink..seriously rasa pain to lagi intense bila baring... i finally couldn't take it anymore...the contractions were 3 minutes apart and i finally told myself that this was the real deal.....so I  went to Mami's room...knocking a few times before she finally unlocked the door... and I asked her....do the contractions feel like u want to poop and she said yes..and I said if that's the case then this is it....so i headed back to my room to change..ran back to the toilet and there was blood...which confirms it.... i was in labor...

So we headed to my hospital...Hospital Pakar An-Nur....arrived at 1.40 am..and while my mum called the doc.. i headed to the toilet again.... come to think about it i went in and out twice...the 2nd time my mom was knocking on the door asking if i was ok...of course i wasn't.... when i finally came out Mami said 'jom gi hospital'...i just stared at her not computing what she was saying...isn't this the hospital?...rupanya hospital an-nur tu tak nak terima 'preemie' cases because they didn't have the facilities to accomadate them...senang cite diorg tak de NICU....so my mum tanya serdang or putrajaya...i could hardly stand...i just tanya jauh tak? sbb serious rasa cm tak leh tahan dah...and my mum said serdang...jom...on the way out of an-nur i had another contraction and held on to my mom coz i couldn't stand anymore...

the journey to hospital serdang was horror...my dad as usual was cool as a cucumber...rilax je dia drive...and my mom was telling him, ' turn on ur hazard lights and just run the red lights'...time tu tak de kete pun but i told my dad not to do that...by the time sampai serdang hosp it ws 2 am...mami told me to stay in the car while she got me a wheel chair...but i couldn't sit anymore...i got out of the car an stood next too it  supporting myself on the boot...and finally the nurse came...and i was pushed into the the room tahan contraction tu...air ketuban pecah kul brapa...they asked...and now that i was sure it was the air ketuban i said kul 10.30....ada kain batik tak...dgn mak i said..and she went out to get it...the nurse asked me to change...but the contractions were coming closer and closer together nak cabut seluar pun susah.... when i finally got the kain batik on the doc came in..checked me and told the nurse next to me.... dah fully dilated.....which shocked me i thoght i was like 3-4cm...

so they wheeled me into the labor room....serioulsy rasa cm dlm cite ER ke grey's anatomy ke masa  u'r on the stretcher and all u see r the lampu2 passing u by... i remember telling the nurse...urgh rasa nak teran..and the nurse told me not to... serious nak tahan tak nak teran tu made the contractions feel worse..

besar jugak labor room to...i counted 4 nurses...and more than 4 people wearing white robes... the nurse told me to take of my clothes..i ignored the presence of the male doc...kalau nampak cm strip tease sorry lah doc...then one of the nurse tried to find the babies pulse tp tak jumpa...masa tu it didn't register to me what that meant ...bila pkir blk takutnya.... when she finally did find it she taped my perut...tatau nape...nak mark baby kat mana ke...next  another nurse gave me　an injection which she said was for the babies lungs... preemie baby kan... the next thing i knew they told me to grab my ankles and push...but i couldn't grab my ankles...tak sampai....and the guy doc told me again..pegang ur ankles not ur knees and i screamed at him...i can't reach my ankles....finally dia senyap...sheesh...by then another person had entered the room...a lady who looked older wearing a kementrian kesihatan blue jacket....yes i could see the jacket said 'kementerian kesihatan'....she was the one who said pegang ankle tu kalau tak tak de power nak push...open your eyes...look at your perut macm mane nak focus kalau tak tgk... masa tu kita dok tutup mata sbb dok focus on the pushing tapi sbb mls nak argue kita ikut and then baru teringat masa kelas branak kat jepun dulu pun dia suruh focus tgk perut....and then the guy doctor spoke up again...jgn breathe cm tu .... i was breathing the way they taught us in japan....cara ソフロロジ分娩法tu...tp doc tu kata tahan nafas push count to 10...so ikut jelah...gile penat... so i berenti jap to take a few breaths.... tak boleh rupanya buat mcm tu...aparently you kena push tahan nafas 10 sec take one breath quickly and do it again..tak leh rehat lama2 sebab baby masuk balik in the laluan when you stop pushing even for a second.... i felt the bidan inject my perineum with anesthesia..i knew what was coming ...the dreaded episiotomy ( this is the thing i feared the most)...tp betul lah org kata ...tak rasa pun dia potong tu...masa dia cucuk ubat tu rasa lah sakit... finally it came tu the end...rasa nak buang air besar yang sangat besar tapi tak nak kluar... and i remember rasa  pelik masa tu...sb kita dok imagine rasa sakit kat bhgn depan right...tp serious rasa mcm nak buang air besar....haa... as soon as i thought that, came the 'ring of fire' that i read about....mmg tak leh describe lah rasa dia...it can only be described as 'the ring of fire'...yang ni mmg rasa kat area depan tu la...upanya masa tu kepala baby nak kluar..... and than tetiba je rasa lega and the doc said stop pushing..the baby's head was out....they were doing something and then with the next contraction they told me to push again and i felt the slippery little thing called harith come out....at 2:21am

tapi dia tak nangis terus...i asked the bidan...girl ke boy....and she said kejap ye nanti kita tunjuk. kenapa dia tak nangis.. tp tak de org jawab..i saw her cut the cord... i thought would feel something emotionally..but i didn't... i mean that was the thing connecting us and now it's been cut....i guess i was too tired....

after that the nurse put him on me and baru dia nangis...he wasn't all that slippery, kecik je...by this time tinggal dua nurse je dlm tu...all the 'white coats' were gone...one of the nurses took harith and said 'kita tak mandi baby ye, kat wad baru mandi'..'kita bagi baby 2 injection ye vitamin K and HepB'... and then they took him away...sebab dia preemie...mcm2 nak check...

you know how they say after the baby is born semua sakit2 akan hilang.....hmmm tipu lah.... rasa lega it was over tu ada lah...hilang rasa sakit ?...no no no.... masa ni ada 2 chinese gurls pakai baju putih masuk balik...barulah tahu diorg ni  doc pelatih upanya... they asked the bidan to let them retract my placenta...it took 20 minutes and the contractions were still coming... and then there was this particularly painful one and i felt like pushing again tp bidan tu tak bg...dia kata placenta case preemie nie delicate..senang terkoyak so cannot simply retract and i cannot push...sebab tahu kalau uri tu tak intact lagi bnyk masalah maka besi katil menjadi mangsa...peneman sewaktu menahan sakit contraction lg...bidan ckp contraction tu nak tlg expulse the uri...when it finally did come out ... rasa cm harith all over again ...slippery...and then the bidan quizzed the doc pelataih tu..yang mana vein yang mana artery and ape ntah..dah lupa..i just remember that they had to name  3 things.... then one of the gurls said they wanted to stitch me up but bidan thankfully said No ( terima kasih mak bidan) if not tak tau lah mcm mana sakit dia... the bidan told them it would take too much time..so they left....

the bidan jabbed me at the perineum...again.. sakit...and again batang besi katil jadi mangsa dan peneman tahan sakit... she told me that that i tore in another place other than the episiotomy site...she told me sho won't count the stitches and that i wold be stitched in 3 lapisan ( yang tu i knew already..from watching videos online)..from the inside out... she warned me that the anesthetic she jabbed there would only help with the pain in the first 2 lapisan but that jahitan kat kulit tu tak leh bius...kalau bius pun it wouldn't help katanya...and the other place yang terkoyak tu pun sama...tak leh bius...tempat tu sensitive area (okay this one i didn't know ok)...so tahan je lah...seriously i told my dad later that i grunted and buat baunyi tahan sakit lagi bnyk time jahit2 ni banding ngan time lahirkan harith...seriously....then the bidan told me...you ni bnyk darah beku and i have to get it out...tahan sikit  ye saya tahu sakit ni...one of the best things when you get someone yang dah actually give birth diorg memahami ckit...tak mcm the guy doc...and the young girl doc who checked me later.... well anyway the bidan proceded to push her hand or maybe just 2 fingers back into my cervix and uterus and korek all the darah beku out and she showed me...and she wasn't bluffing about the pain ... the darah beku nampak cm limpa yang diorg jual kat pasar tu...seriously...finally she cleaned me up....

oh i forgot to mention something...lepas diorg amik harith gi mana ntah tu...while i was waiting for my uri tu keluar i started shaking...shaking yang tak boleh tahan punya... and the nurse tanya sejuk ke...yes i was cold ...tp i think it was more of shaking penat kot...rasa nak letak je kaki tu...later i found out my senior friend bersalin diorg ada trempat letak kaki tu kenapa time kita tak de...i guess tak sempat nak pasang kot...itu yang kena pegang ankle tu sendiri....sheesh...anyway lepas jahit2 tu bidan tu baik sangat dia pasangkan heater utk baby tu and positioned right on top of me...baru rasa warm sikit...

lepas tu tiba2 my mom came in...rupanya org selain husband tak blh masuk situ...eben in my case where hubby is still in japan pun diorg tak bg my mom masuk....Mami just came in to leave my hospital bag and to tell me they were going home..coz they couldn't see me until i was out of observation which was 2 hours later..sedey gile masa tu...haaa sorg2 can i do it???? a nurse came in and gave me milo....i was damn thirsty...tp milo tu panas tersedak habi...hahaha...malu kat nurse...

lepas tu nurse bawak harith masuk ajar cm ne nak breastfeed...mula2 dia tak nak..nurse ckp masa dia amik baby...baby tgh minum susu..haaa? i thought nak suruh BF...upanaya sebab dia preemie...dior bg jugak FM (formula milk)dulu....dah tak eksklusif BF lah kiranya)... ntahlah...lama2 tu baru dia latch on tp kejap je...tp nurse tu kata ok ok lah kan...then dpt milo lagi...hahaha...

after 2 hours the doc came...haaa...ni geram ni...then bidan told the gurl doc jgn kasar2 sgt....tp dia mana tau kan masa dia seluk2 tu rasa cm ne kan...masa tu pun mengharap kat besi katil lg laa tahan kena seluk2 seme....and she got more darah beku out lepas tu dia kata ada bleeding ...rupanya she ripped my jahitan out...the one yang kat tempat yang tak leh bius tu...and i remember saying that out loud...'you ripped it out ..tempat yang tak leh bius tu...tempat yang paling sakit kena jahit tu'...and dia buat muka dehhh ... masa tu pasrah je la... tahan kena jahit...again
bidan pakaikan pad hospital yang loop tu kan..dia ikat kat perut... pelik...hahaha...and they got me ready to go to the ward...tak tukar baju pun

naik ward sono mama pakai baju yang berdarah2 tu...tp dah tak kisah dah...then they left me in the hallway...tunggu diorg pakaikan baju kat harith...masa tu nampak this one guy kat luar one of the labor rooms...bidan tu tny kenapa tak masuk..laki tu ckp ,'tak pe lah kak yang no 5 dah ni'...then the bidan said 'tak pe lah gi lah bg semangat kat isteri.'..'tak boleh...saya dh ketar dh ni sebenarnya'...and then the nurse halau dia gi waiting room...and then i saw another lady get wheeled in pakai baju pink that i changed into in the labor room....oh masa tu br tahu org lain tukar baju kat tepat tahan contraction tu...kita special case....tak sempat tukar...terus kena angkut je...

finally harith dah pakai baju...doc check dia lg skali n then they placed him between my legs and wheeled me up to my ward....again melalui adegan tgk lampu berlalu mcm dlm cte ER...tp kali ni dah tak cuak ...kali ni HAPPY, LEGA, mcm2 perasaan ada....

cerita wad lepas ni lah baru cite panjang sangat dh ni.....
and that sums up harith's normal, no gas, no epidural, 5 week early birth.... on February 1st@2.21am...@ 35 weeks...

Finally back in the game.....

It's been more than a month since my last post.... Idea belambak...cuma tak tertulis... what with the masalah internet.... and the nesting.... and the baby drama...

So what's happened?
I delivered our baby... 5 weeks too early... but a perfectly precious little one...

Presenting our little tyke who couldn't wait to see the world...

Harith Azhari Bin Zul Azri

1 Februari 2011 2:21am