me no likey how me look

okay.... i always revert to titles that are bunpoutekini salah when i am upset...

raya tahun ni...i should be happy...first raya as a wife lah kan... i was happy...up to the point when glance at the raya photos that show up on facebook and friendster and flicker and blah blah blah...

then i just get depressed....

it doesn't matter how good i feel when i leave the the house before the event ...bila tgk gambar i'm so like....whaaaatttt...FAAAAATTTTT...

that's what screams through my head...

n then there was the time kat rumah kak zeti in toyohashi...her mother came to visit from malaysia..and we arrived at the open house a bit early...so the ones that were there were all the families...budak bujang tak sampai lagi...so naturally the conversation lead to children...and the mother was asking the other wives anak brapa and they talked about their children and pregnancies and then she turned to me ..what bout you...anak brapa?.....hah? i look like someone's mum already ke? i turned to her and said uhmm...saya baru je kahwin..and another wife noted my still 'inai'ed fingers....that was blow number one

yesterday kat jamuan raya fukui...hana-chan was crying...as usual...she doesn't like crowds plus she was sleepy...and i happened to lalu in front of the father at that time...pas tu one of the guys said...takut tak syaz?

what is there to be scared about....a crying kid? (well maybe if i was the one who made her cry, intentionally. kalau cm tu takut la kot)...blow number 2

n then later that night...dearest hubby called his mum up to thank her for the raya parcel...and she asked him 'syazwani tak lekat lagi ker?'.....owhhhhh....blow number 3...bam bam booom

i wasn't prepared for that.. i mean we've only been married for 1 month and 4 weeks...i know that's ample time...but we don't live together.. talk about pressure....pressure...

tak tahu mcm mana nak explain the feeling...i thought we should just let nature run it's course..you know...actually trying for it to happen...because people expect it of you...well that just feels like ...well sitting for an exam.... pressure ...pressure....i didin't know they expected me to be 'carrying' already.... now it just feels like pressure..

and the yesteday...while 'skype'ing with A...i really didn't like how i looked..and i started picking up the dumbells....urgh...depression plus pressure..not a good mix

me no likey how me look

dah crowded balik

yup...sem 2 dah start..
you know how org kl yg beraya di kl slalu ckp 'oh kl dah jam balik' after raya...well that's how i'm feeling right now..

after sebulan lebih gi skool...org tak de..toilet kosong...senyap sunyi jer....and jikken pun juncho sbb senior tak de keje lain except..buat jikken with yours truly..

well sekarang...the kanteen is congested...nak amik duit pun beratur...toilet tak yah ckp lah kan...and sbb senior dah start kelas balik...jikken ku tergendalaaaaaa.....arghhh...dia tak pe la got one more year for jikken...i've got less then 2 months okay

the only down part of coming to skool masa natsu (other then it being natsu bila org len cuti) was the fact that kanteen tu bukak tgh hr je...tp puasa right so tak lah terasa sgt..tp bila kena stay back? berlapar lah aku sampai balik..

another thing...masa natsu nak berselisih ngan budak msia sorg pun payah...today...selisih ngan 4 budak msia within 10 minutes after i stepped out of my house...sorg on the way, sorg kat tepi kanteen, sorg masa tgh amik duit, sorg masa tgh jln ke lab...

dah crowded balik...

hisa bisa no tetsuya

i typed this long entry just now..and i ter delete everything...this is why sometimes i hate using noDell..i accidentally brushed my palm against the mouse thingy and poof...hbs hilang everything...

tp because i was writting about something yang tak best mls nak rewrite...baik spare you guys from all the icky memories kan...

speaking of icky memories ...this one i can't get out of my mind...i was disgusted...
one of my fellow B4 guys....well he's one of the well composed guys..so i thought he would be more mature..tp...i guess guys will be guys kan

kalau ye lah pun ...keep your porn n whatsoe ever to urself lah...
tak yah lah bawak datang gakko ...geli tau..

his screensaver was of a girl showing her titties everywhere...dah lah kalau bukak pintu lab tu terus nampak com dia...bukan i wanted to see it pun it was there staring back at me...eeeeewww.tak mo igt dah..

lps ni bukak pintu kena tgk lantai lah...

so guys please... keep your stuff to yourselves...
i takmo tgk...

anyway ter'stray' lak from the original to
tp tak pe lah kan

to my senior FF....keep up the good work ..tok sah pikir bout what everyone says...practice makes perfect kan..i don't think BB minds..

to my senior N...my hubby pun keluar nomikai gaks malam nie...phm sgt the feeling ... tp apakan daya...hahahaha