Of wars amongst people and with ourselves

Written 17 days before my finals...

Last Friday as usual, we had our weekly usrah ( a gathering where we muslims discuss our religion and what it pertains, gain knowledge from others, remind ourselves and so on). It is said that if we go without reflection, gainning knowledege or cleansing our minds for more than fourty days, a black spot is created in our heart.Allahualam.

Anyway, our usrah is only attended by the female malaysyian muslims in the area. It's small and homey, which suits me fine.You see, I'm not exactly pious. And having gone through some rough times about not being really pious, made me feel anxious about joining the usrah. I'm not good at reciting the Al-Quran, and this has bothered me since my earlier school days. For that matter, I really hope I will be able to teach my future children to embrace Al-Quran and be able to recite well, as well as understand it's meaning. For now that I am grown up, I sometimes feel regret, that I am 23 and still a long way away from being a good muslim. Saying that, after bearing my heart out about my problem to the girls, and being intimidated about most of them being great at reciting the Quran, after a few months I have finally become comfortable with what I am able to do. I don't have to be afraid of not being good at it anymore, cause I know now, it takes work to be good at something..and that's what I'm gonna have to do.

Back to the subject of wars, after Isya' prayers, and the recital of the Quran ( we recited Surah Al-Fath meaning The Victory) , went on to the subject of how to perform our prayers ( a reminder), and finally on to the war going on between Palestine and Israel. We talked about the history, why they are at war again and so on. We talked about what we could do. Of course the subject of boycotting came up. I never really boycotted anything, but after hearing that these companies contribute 10 to 15 million a day to Israel, I'm not so sure anymore. My senior said, when we die Allah will ask us, what have we done for our fellow muslims. I asked myself, what have I to answer.

Then comes the subject of warring with ourselves, there's always something we need to change in oursleves, and sometimes it's so hard to overcome you need to bring out the big guns and aim it ourselves. I have been warring with my big M (M besar = MALAS) a.k.a lazyness for the last 3 days.There are only 17 days left until the finals..and I am at level 0 for preparedness...how great is that, plus i have a test tomorrow and at the same time I am trying to cleanse my heart and soul. In short, i have a lot of things to accomplish, all at the same time. Battling my rindu for my sayang does not help. Miss him terribly. i decided to fast today, it being a Monday, I needed to ganti puasa anyway, and maybe it will help clear my mind as well... Yosh, 頑張るゼ.... all the best to myself and to those who have exams coming up....